Is It Time To Give Up Some Control?

I have a confession to make. I can be a bit of a control freak. In addition to “control freak,” I’ve been called a perfectionist, Type A, “particular”…the list could go on, but I’m going to stop there.

I have specific tastes. I like things done a certain way. I like to plan ahead. In fact, I used to plan nearly every detail of my life…in spreadsheets. To illustrate, I created a spreadsheet with 26 tabs when I was planning my wedding. It included every detail, from seating arrangements to the contents of the gift bags. And, of course, each line item had a budget!

Thankfully, I’m on the road to recovery. I’ve learned a lot on my journey so far. I’m definitely a work-in-progress. And I imagine I will be until the day I die.

I’ve learned that control doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Just like the Force in Star Wars, control can be used for good or evil:

Evil: When we attempt to control other people. The truth is, we cannot control other people. No matter how hard we try. Any control we think we have is an illusion. Someone may have temporarily ceded control to you. But they can take it back any time they choose. When you try to control someone else, you are manipulating them.

Good: When we control ourselves. This is where our true power lies. Although we can’t control what someone does, we can control our reaction to them. Through continued practice and mindfulness, we can control our thoughts, emotions and actions to serve us and those around us better.

Here are 7 reasons why I’m glad I’m letting go of my inner control freak:

1. My relationships are better. Instead of worrying about being right, I can relax and enjoy the company of others. I’m more curious. I’m a better listener.

People enjoy having the freedom to be themselves and express their opinions. We like feeling heard and understood. Relationships are much more enjoyable when we don’t need to defend or prove ourselves to one another.

2. I’m more effective. Trying to manipulate other people or situations expends a tremendous amount of energy. It’s an exhausting job that never ends.

When I recognize my basic helplessness over other people and situations, I redirect my energy to things that I can effectively control. I focus on myself and my reactions. I focus on things that bring joy and fulfillment to myself and others. I am able to make a more positive impact in the world when I direct my energy effectively.

3. I learn more. When I’m not worried about being right, I learn much more from other people. When I’m not trying to “win” at life, I open myself up to learning what life has to teach me.

 4. I dream bigger. Instead of planning out the future in minute detail, I create a big picture vision of the future I want to create. Instead of plotting out a detailed course of action all the way to the finish, I try to take it one step at a time.

History has taught me that the journey to my destination never looks like I expect. It’s much more of a zig-zagged path than my painstakingly-plotted straight line. At times, I’ve even wound up at an entirely different destination. But when I step back and look at the big picture, I have always seen a painting far more beautiful than what I could have painted myself. So I’m learning to let go of the details. I’m giving myself permission to dream bigger.

5. It feels good. Sure, letting go of control feels terrifying at first. But, as with any other fear, life is so much better on the other side of it.

Surrendering control is very freeing. I’m much more relaxed and easy-going. I feel lighter.

6. I’m having more fun. I’m more spontaneous. I’m pleasantly surprised more often. When I don’t plan every detail, I don’t have to worry about things not going according to my plan. I can simply enjoy the experience for what it is.

7. My life is more fulfilling. I’m learning to trust that all will work out. I don’t worry as much. This gives me the freedom to be more present. I enjoy life while it’s happening.