As a CPA, I spent many years being a problem solver. As an auditor, my trained tendency was to audit things…to correct and fix them. This habit helped me excel in the technical aspects of my job. But to my husband…well, I’m not sure he found me irresistible when I was correcting his statements or trying to solve all his problems!
Often, I felt that I wasn’t valuable or worthy if I didn’t have the answers. It’s what people expected of me. It’s what I thought I was paid to do. Having the answers was usually a plus when it came to my level of client service and my technical expertise as a CPA. However, when it came to leading my teams, I could have served them better by not always having all the answers.
The healthcare industry has actually given this phenomenon a name – the “righting reflex” (Rollnick, Miller, & Butler, 2008). The righting reflex is an automatic desire to want to help another by providing a solution or correction. We experience the righting reflex when we feel compelled to offer advice or tips to someone. It happens when we attempt to fix what we see as wrong for another person, based upon what we think is right.
Offering solutions works very well in a business relationship where your job is to provide the answers. However, in leadership, solving other people’s problems can hinder the growth and development of your team. Plus, it can feel exhausting when you are always the one solving other people’s problems.
Here are four reasons why the righting reflex often hurts more than it helps when it comes to leading others:
1. We have a natural tendency to resist being told what to do.
Have you ever noticed this tendency in yourself? Maybe you’ve noticed it in your interactions with others, like your colleagues, spouse, children or friends?
When I was pregnant, sometimes I felt like people saw my burgeoning belly as a sign that said, “Please give me parenting advice!” I’m certain these other parents were only trying to help. But when someone told me what I should or shouldn’t do without my having asked, my initial reaction was to resist their advice…even if I ultimately implemented it later on.
When we tell someone else what to do, they may (consciously or unconsciously) rebel against what they perceive as someone else exerting authority over them. This can make them feel wrong. It can put them on the defensive. How receptive do you think someone would be to your advice when they feel this way?
2. The solution may not fit the person or problem.
Each of us is a unique person living a unique life. Our individual perspective is shaped by our personality, upbringing, values, culture, beliefs, and life experiences. When you provide a solution to someone else, it is automatically biased because it comes from your perspective.
Even when we try to step into another person’s shoes, it’s impossible for us to fully appreciate another’s perspective because we are not that person. Although someone may extract useful information from your perspective, only they can decide whether and how it fits them and their particular situation.
3. It’s too easy.
Sometimes simply giving a team member the answer makes good sense. Perhaps there is a simple, clear-cut answer, and time is limited. Maybe the question is advanced, and it wouldn’t be a wise use of resources for the person asking to figure it out for themselves.
However, in many situations, it’s just taking (and giving) the easy way out. It may be quicker to give someone the answer. But we rob others (and ourselves!) of a great learning opportunity when we do so. When a team member searches for and finds an answer in their own way, using their own resources, the learning is more impactful. It “sticks” better.
4. It discourages ownership.
If a team member relies on you to tell them what to do, they may believe they have shifted responsibility to you. If the solution doesn’t work, they will see it as your solution that failed. If they implement their own solution, they will be more likely to own the outcome.
So what can you do instead of solving a team member’s problem? Here are three ideas:
1. Ask questions.
By asking your team members questions instead of providing them with answers, you challenge them to figure it out for themselves. You encourage them to think differently. They will take different actions. They may even find new answers.